Coping with an unexpected pregnancy

As any person living with HIV knows, it is always a balancing act to keep your health on an even keel. For some, the littlest gust of wind can disrupt the balance while for others, it might take some mighty waves to push the keel over. I had a mighty wave situation of my own a couple months ago when I found out I was pregnant. With or without being HIV positive, I had made up my mind a long time ago that I never wanted children. To hear that I was now expecting one shocked me to my very core (I think I blacked out for a second). I’ll be honest, my first thought after I received the news was how soon could I get an abortion (the nurse had just left the room). I was more than willing to throw in the towel and give up, not even try. Telling my boyfriend, the father of the baby, was not easy but I knew that he had to have some say-so in the decision-making process. He was very ecstatic and excited, according to him he’s always wanted to be a father. Having his support and encouragement meant a lot to me because I was not ready or prepared to do it on my own. It still has taken awhile for it to sink in that I’m actually going to have a baby, and that my nice, peaceful, orderly life will change forever. It took a lot of deep thinking and soul-searching, but I finally came to the conclusion that it was time to stop living for myself and time to live for somebody else for a change.

There is still a big part of me that is disappointed in myself for not protecting myself better, there is also that fear of actually carrying and having a child, and uncertainty as to what the future now holds. Thankfully, my health is probably the best it’s ever been, and my viral load has been undetectable for quite a number of years. All this will keep the baby safe from contracting the virus. Of course my pregnancy is still classified as high-risk because of my positive status, but everything seems to be going well so far. I can now say that I’m honestly excited for this next stage in my life, unexpected and unplanned as it was. I know this baby is going to have lots of love from the many wonderful women that are in my life. I know that I will always have unconditional support, encouragement, and love when needed. I am extremely thankful for everybody’s kind well-wishes and their concern about my health. I am really looking forward to sharing this journey with all of you!!

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1 thought on “Coping with an unexpected pregnancy

  1. I think you are going to make a wonderful Mommy. You’ll have so many offers for babysitting that you’ll beg for Mommy time. Lol. Enjoy and don’t rush the experience of being pregnant, pampered, and spoiled. The hard work will come soon enough. We all are wishing you the best. The baby and daddy are lucky to have you. ????

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