Monthly Archives: February 2023

An Unacceptable Stigma Based on FEAR!

Advocacy, Inspiring Stories, Stigma, Support, Taking a Stand, , , ,

 

People fear what they do not understand. When I first moved to Florida in the ’90s, the HIV stigma was still on the rise; it was heavy and strong. I started looking for a church that I could integrate myself into. I desperately wanted to still be included…to be loved.

When I first found out that I had HIV, the feeling that I would never be loved and accepted had me socially and emotionally paralyzed. Reading my Bible daily reminded me that I needed to surround myself with other believers. Joining a church was my utmost priority. I was happy when I finally found a church where I began to feel comfortable and accepted. But even though we were a church that was like a family, I was still afraid to disclose that I was living with HIV. I listened and watched people’s reactions to certain issues. Many of their responses were not positive. I would sit in my prayer closet and think to myself, “Aren’t we to love God and love people? One of the ten commandments literally states ‘Thou shall not judge!’” I felt so much sadness and anger that those who claim to love God could be so unaccepting to the broken! I thought, “How do some of these people think that they can judge and condemn others!” I poured myself out to God and asked for His peace that surpasses all understanding as I walked through these troubled waters.

After being in the church for about ten months, I got the courage to go to my pastor and ask to speak to him. We sat down and had the conversation I had been secretly dreading. During our discussion, I told my pastor that I was living with HIV. He was compassionate and caring. Although my pastor was not very knowledgeable about HIV/AIDS, he told me that he knew someone else who was living with HIV and connected us with each other.

After almost a year passed, I felt led to ask my pastor about starting a support group. I felt strongly that there were other people who were also having the same empty feeling that I felt with this diagnosis. A support system consisting of others who are facing the same feelings and day-to-day issues could build a greater understanding and draw us closer to God. This was strongly on my heart. The pastor agreed and within a week we had a meeting with the Director of the County Health Department. The director was very hesitant. He was afraid someone would shoot me or maybe even burn down our church! I was absolutely floored! I could not believe what I was hearing! Were people really that scared and cold-hearted to those struggling with this?

Hearing that lit a fire inside of me. I became adamant about creating my support group! I felt led by God in this, regardless of the dangerous repercussions that might come with it. After the group began, I realized I needed to change the name, however, because I could not reveal that it would be a support group for people living with HIV/AIDS. I hesitantly changed the name to something that sounded like an exercise class. I realized that not many people would show up for fear of the stigma surrounding HIV/AIDS. People were literally afraid for their lives! Yes, I said their lives – afraid of being beaten or even killed for having HIV/AIDS! This is what can happen due to a lack of education about this illness! People start to assume and we all know what happens when we assume without the facts. Sadly, I had to close the doors to the support group after just four months.

I am glad I disclosed to my pastor what I was going through back then. I was determined not to let the fear of others stop me from reaching out. I still wanted to support those battling this, and I was determined to educate as many as I could to stop the hate surrounding this stigma. I got involved in other projects surrounding HIV/AIDS and started receiving emotional support at that time. It empowered me to know that I was helping other women and teaching them to embrace and love themselves again. That whole experience made me really realize how badly the world needs to be educated on this illness, including the church. The Bible has many stories of Christ’s love. He never shied away from those with afflictions. He healed the leper, the woman with the issue of blood, and all those with mental, physical, and emotional afflictions. He embraced them in love. If we are to be following His example, we too need to embrace those in all walks of life in love, forgiveness, and mercy.

Believe me when I tell you that in 2021, the sigma is still alive. Our society still needs to learn the facts about HIV/AIDS. As advocates, we must continue to educate the churches. However, we first must continue educating ourselves as advocates on HIV/AIDS. We will always fear what we do not understand. I will leave you with these three final words. Educate! Love! and Empower!

Challenging Stigma

Advocacy, Inspiring Stories, Lessons Learned, Stigma, Support, ,

After I found out about my HIV diagnosis, I was trying to find somebody that understood what I was going through, so I disclosed it to my pastor. I was not necessarily trying to get sympathy, but just trying to find a way to cope without allowing it to affect my Christian walk. I didn’t want to play the blame game thinking, “God, you allowed this to happen.”

During my visit, my pastor said, “It’s okay, you know I dated a woman who was living with HIV. Everything is going to be all right.” I think that was just his pep talk, but still, at that moment, I didn’t want to hear about the woman that he dated. I was going to him for spiritual guidance. I was already crushed, and feeling like my life was over. I was looking for an ounce of hope, to let me know that God allows us to go through things in order for us to have enlightenment. I wanted him to say, “Do not look at the problem, look at what is going to come after the problem.”

Honestly, I felt like his response was the typical thing I hear every day. When I ask somebody what do you know about living with HIV, the response is usually, “Oh my cousin has HIV,” or “I know someone that has it.” I know that’s their connection, but they can’t come and say that they understand, that they know how I feel and what I’m going through if they have not personally walked in my shoes. There are levels to finding the acceptance point of living with HIV: anger, depression, and the denial stage. At the first point, a person may feel like they want to walk off of a cliff because they feel life has effectively changed from that moment on. I think I walked back out of the pastor’s office not feeling any better than when I walked in. It didn’t do anything for me at that time but at least it allowed someone else to know that I was living with HIV.

I was always the type to be at the altar. I loved to sing at church and when I found out that I was living with HIV, I was heartbroken and just felt that I couldn’t participate in any church function. HIV is not something that you can come out and talk about like you’re talking about diabetes or mental health. It’s not a conversation that someone breaks out and feels comfortable talking about.

I remember one time, I had a conversation with one of my friends from church about my health condition and she ended up telling me that if I wasn’t her friend, she wouldn’t want to touch me, hug me, or do anything around me. At that point, it was like radars went up and I was thinking, “What the heck is wrong with you?” She said she has a phobia about people who have been diagnosed with full-blown AIDS (even though we know there’s no such thing). Because I went to her with my personal business, it made me feel diminished and lowered in terms of who I was as a person. I didn’t know how to respond. I had emotions, but I didn’t want to display them. I felt hurt and upset because I considered her to be a friend. So, I just took what she said and I walked away. At that time, being a person living with HIV, I didn’t think about where the other person was coming from. The only thing you think about at that very moment is what they said and how it made you feel, and that they had no idea this could happen to them or anyone.

Stigma is a very difficult thing to deal with because it’s something thrown in our faces from others every single day. I think if we can handle it head-on, we can begin to change the cycle. I found out some of the root causes of stigma; fear, lack of knowledge, discrimination, or lack of education. All of these things come from people not knowing and not wanting to know.

I deal with stigma by challenging it, just by letting people know the correct information. HIV is not something that we ask for, but it happens. You just advocate and stand up for yourself and not allow people’s words or slurs to bring you down or affect your self-esteem. I feel like you have to let them know that just because someone is living with HIV, this does not define the type of person they are. I didn’t give up, it just made me only go harder. At the time, I was still trying to get my bachelor’s degree but I did not allow the stigma to continue to affect me. I still graduated and I got a great job that I felt I was not qualified for. I was showing all of the people around me what I was doing by trying to affect change within society and our community.

I would say to others living with HIV, “Do not be afraid to be you. Do not be afraid to tell your testimony because this too is your testimony.” That person sitting in front of you or next to you, may be living with HIV and going through the exact same thing you’re going through and they are probably just looking for that one person to just stand up and say something. God placed it on my heart to do a lot about living with HIV. I want others to know that living with HIV, you can still have a life and continue to thrive.

– Diamond

We Need Each Other

Advocacy, Inspiring Stories, Support, , , , , ,

In many of our churches, we sing a popular song entitled, “I Need You to Survive,” by Hezekiah Walker. The lyrics of the song convey a powerful message, “I need you; you need me. We’re all a part of God’s body.” It goes on to say, “You are important to me, I need you to survive.” When I hear the church singing this song, I often wonder if we realize what we are singing, because when it comes to the HIV/AIDS community many of its members feel as though the church does not have a need for them. In fact, the church has made them feel excluded. They feel like the church will survive just fine without them.

HIV/AIDS is running rampant in every community in the United States and around the world. Even though there is no cure as of yet, people living with HIV/AIDS are still able to enjoy a long, healthy life if the right treatment, love, and support are in place – the kind of love and support many of them never receive.

I also find it interesting that the church places a lot of emphasis on loving thy neighbor, yet there are so many people in the HIV/AIDS community who feel they have never received the precious love of a neighbor and especially from the church. In fact, women living with HIV/AIDS tell me it is the people in the church who have hurt them the most, from members in the pews to preachers in the pulpit.

As a pastor, I have always viewed the church as a trusted source in the community for both social support and where healthy coping strategies are developed; a place of refuge, the one place where those who are living with HIV/AIDS should be empowered and supported. But the truth is, in many churches, HIV/AIDS stigma, discrimination, and mistrust are thriving. The church, the very place that should be a safe haven, has become the source of hurt, rejection, and pain for people living with HIV/AIDS.

I must be honest and say, I am not sure whether the hurt, rejection, and pain are due to a lack of knowledge, plain arrogance, or a lack of compassion. Whatever the reason, as a church we must first and foremost, understand that, for a lot of people living or suffering from HIV/AIDS is through no fault of their own. If you stop and think about it, we all suffer from some type of malady, hurt or challenge because the world can be an unfair, unjust place. Secondly, we are to be the hands and feet of Jesus in our communities, meeting the spiritual, social, and economic needs of all people, and not just those we feel comfortable with. And thirdly, the church has a responsibility to serve and support our sisters and brothers living with HIV/AIDS through education and awareness in order to prevent this disease from ravaging our communities and to reduce the stigma and discrimination displayed towards people affected by, and living with, HIV/AIDS.

As a church, it is certainly not our place to judge. We have the opportunity to take care of some people who are hurting and need us, and we need them to survive as part of the body of believers in Christ Jesus. We need to build each other up and recognize that we need each other to be whole.

Guest Contributor
The Rev. Mary L. Mitchell,
Senior Pastor
Bartley Temple United Methodist Church